To Kid or Not to Kid

Deciding if and when to have children can be something couples and individuals agonize over.  For many it is a key issue that, depending on the answer, can make or break a relationship.  I’ve always wanted children but when Mr. Scents, then just my boyfriend, told me he had changed his mind I took the time to seriously consider what I wanted.

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I looked into the various aspects of my adult life that having a child could/would impact; disposable income, free time, my relationships, and even my reasoning for wanting children.

For me having children has had a variety of reasons.  It started as a little girls want and evolved into the, “Because it’s what adults do when they get married,” to how I feel now.  By the time Mr. Scents and I decided to have children I knew that Alzheimer’s was a real possibility for my future.  So, my decision to have children is practical.  If I end up with Alzheimer’s would I want to chance my care on the state if Mr. Scents should pass first.  I’m going to move on because this went to a serious place real fast.

The other reasons for me were non-reasons.  I wasted tons of money on clothes and eating out.  Things that were not necessary and were more emotional or boredom buys.  Children would definitely prevent boredom and you can still do retail therapy on a budget you just have to be more creative.  And let me tell you, I’ve gotten creative in how I spend my money because retail therapy is important!

The other serious thing, for me, was how this would change my relationships, specifically with Mr. Scents.  While being a parent takes a lot of work and children take up a lot of time and money, I did not want to sacrifice my relationship with my husband or myself, for that matter.  Many parents, I think, fall into that trap and make their children the center of their universe.  In my experience and opinion making sure that you take care of yourself and your relationship with your spouse better teaches children to be healthy adults.  By not sacrificing my time with Mr. Scents we will maintain our intimacy and trust.  We’d keep the foundation of our family strong.

With all these things considered I felt that we were ready to handle children, once Mr. Scents decided to come around that is.  And in January of 2014 we got pregnant, but life threw us a curveball; we were having twins.

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Now that we actually have children keeping our relationship strong is hard.  The first few years have to be about the kids or you can, ya know, go to jail.  Since orange is not the new black for me, I’ll stick to taking care of my infants.  We do try to make time when we can.  After the boys are in bed watching an episode of Merlin, our go to show right now, or making sure we have dinner at the table instead of on the go.  We also try to give each other time to get away and be alone.  This way we try to keep our sanity.

One thing we didn’t give enough consideration to was that we don’t have much of a support system.  We have no family in our state; the closest family is about 10 hours away, by car.  We have been lucky to have good friends though.  However, for us raising children in reality is a lot of compromise and hoping for an easier future.

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