Advocate, don’t be bullied


When I start new projects or get involved in new groups I research to find out more about it.  So I can keep up with conversation, contribute, and not feel lost.  This leads me to research journal articles, encyclopedias, and reference books.

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I read up on complications, possible preventative measure of those complications, and ways to manage those complications should they happen.  So when I was diagnosed with preeclampsia I read articles from the Mayo Clinic and reputable medical journals.  I asked my doctors intelligent questions.


I was met with fear tactics and condescension.

Many times, in different situations, we get bullied into something.  In my case, it wasn’t so much bullying but a doctor patient relationship that I felt didn’t take me seriously as a patient.  This doctor felt that she knew everything.  In a previous post I talked about the complications I had during my pregnancy, she was the one to tell me I would be delivering at 28 weeks.  When that didn’t happen she kept trying to give me bad news.

I don’t do well in that type of fear environment.  So, I fired my doctor.  At 28 weeks pregnant, with twins, I picked a new OB.  The practice I was at had several doctors and I told my new doctor exactly why I was changing primary physicians so far into my pregnancy.

I told her where I do my research, I made sure to keep the emotion out of it as much as I could, and let her know what I wanted from a doctor-patient relationship.  Standing up for myself, probably helped contribute to my success in carrying the boys to 37 weeks.  I no longer had to deal with dooms day predictions and dismissal of my questions and ideas for my treatment.

With any type of relationship, especially one where you are PAYING the other party, you have to take control.  As the paying party you get to set some conditions and terms.  If they can’t meet you half way or at least enter into a conversation about it, walk away.  There are other service providers.

I took this lesson when finding a pediatrician for the boys.  I wanted someone who wouldn’t either dismiss concerns or over medicate.  Again, I went into appointments with pediatricians and asked questions about their stance on different subjects and depending on the answer they gave and more importantly HOW they answered me, determined my decision.

In short, don’t be afraid to tell your service provider what you want or expect and if they can’t provide that keep shopping around.  Maybe you come back to them if you discover no one is willing to meet your demands, but most often in business if you are reasonable you’ll be accommodated somewhere.  Just remember for some things, you pay more for that convenience.


2 thoughts on “Advocate, don’t be bullied

  1. I couldn’t agree with you more! If you get dismissed by a doctor or other service provider, switch! I watched my mother be to timid to speak up or change providers even when her concerns were totally ignored or met with condescension. Unacceptable. Sharing on FB and Twitter!


    1. It’s funny how much people hesitate to call a Dr. out on things. People use their power in the wrong industries. We shouldn’t be Bullying the shopkeeper into giving us discounts and free crap we should be questions those in charge of things. Medically, politically, etc.


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