The Anti-Mom

As a mother you are often damned if you and damned if you don’t.  If you work you are letting others raise your children; yet if you stay home you are lazy and mooching off your spouse.  If you breastfeed your some kind of pervert; but if you formula feed you’re lazy and your kids will be stupid.  When you hold your kid too much you make them into a spoiled brat; and if you hold them too little you’re a crappy mom.  Well, I’m here to be the Anti-mom because most of this condemnation comes from other mothers.

Read on, but be prepared to be astonished and maybe even feel the need to call child services.  It all started when I had a cesarean!  It’s common with twin births but I know how many moms out there are judging me for not just letting things happen naturally.  I don’t care what they think.  Most moms who think like that eat tree bark and try to convince you it tastes just like your potato chips.  Clearly they are wackadoodles!

My next misstep was when I formula fed my boys.  Again, many twin mamas have a hard time keeping up with supply for two babies.  My plan was to breastfeed but it wasn’t in the cards.  I had supply issues and no support.  The Lactation Consultant literally told me I wouldn’t be able to do it.  But I shouldn’t have to explain myself.  It doesn’t matter. Here I am going to say, if you are feeding your child a pediatrician recommended substance then you are doing the right thing!

I guess I am probably no better than the moms judging each other for their choices because I’m judging you for judging.  In internetland things are bad.  Mommy boards are not a place you go to for support.  They are a place you go to pick a side and start launching grenades.  Mommy bloggers can be just as bad using their big words and fancy grammar to drive the point home on non-issues.  Cotton swaddles vs. muslin swaddles shouldn’t be a debate!  It’s a preference.  All these things are a preference.

So, the anti-mom is a term that I’m adapting from anti-hero.  The anti-hero is someone who still fights the bad guy but does it using some of the methods the enemy does.  As an anti-mom, I’m still a mom; but more of a dad-like mom.  My kids are safe, healthy, being taught to be good people but I’m not like most new moms.  I never was paralyzed by fear that I was doing something wrong according to someone else’s standard.  I was too plagued by anxiety because there were two babies and we had no one here to help us.  So, yes I tried baby cereal at 4 months because waking up 6 times a night while working full time isn’t sustainable.  And guess what, I’m human.  I’m not going to lie to make myself look perfect online.  I have no interest in being perfect.  If you’re wanting perfect go look for another mommy-blog.

I’ll be here, being honest about the beauty and ugliness that is motherhood and navigating the world online as a mother who isn’t going to blow smoke or intentionally guilt trip you because your opinion differs from mine.  So, come back, read, laugh, and lets judge the judgers together with freedom to make our own choices on what we think is best for our families.  Even if they do turn out to be mistakes!

16 thoughts on “The Anti-Mom

  1. Love your honesty about motherhood not a easy job as everyone thing. You made some good point don’t let other judgement of you cause you to feel as a bad Parent.

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  2. So long as you know you’re doing what’s best for your kids, then that’s all that matters. No need to listen to these people online.

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  3. This is so true. I don’t care what others think. I was a stay at home mom for years before I started working from home and people had tons to say. If they aren’t helping, I just ignored!

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  4. Haha! I love this. When I had my daughter, I didn’t care what anybody thought about how I chose to raise her, feed her, love her, birth her, whatever. I don’t think the sanctimommies war was as bad then as it is now but yikes. It’s awful. People need to be more worried about their own homes instead of everybody else’s.

    I have always felt that those who were too busy pointing out others’ “flaws” (using it very loosely) are doing it to distract from their own failures.

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    1. Exactly if you aren’t harming your child then you’re doing OK! I’d just like to see/create a place for moms to actually support each other instead of tear each other down, being a mom is hard enough.

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  5. This is a great post and totally honest which I have beautiful. There are not many moms out there anymore that will admit they are different. I feel it doesn’t matter what other mothers do and we should all listen to each other. It is not they we need to give each other advice it is us just telling each other what works for our children and our self. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Exactly! I always say if you aren’t committing some kind of abuse then you are doing what is right for your child and your family. You may not choose the same things I do but that is the beauty of life, almost infinite options!

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