Lies My Mother Told Me

lies my mother told me

If you can, imagine a 5 year old me.  It’s around 9pm and well past my bedtime.  Yet, here I come, catlike, sneaking from my bedroom and into the hall to attempt to watch TV in stealth.  How she knows I am there baffles me but she calls out, “Back in bed, Lindsay!”  Shock rings through me.  I was quiet and her back is to me.  “How did you know?” I ask with a trembling lip.  “I can see through walls,” was not the response I was expecting but, it was the one I received.  How had I not heard about this.  I was 5 whole years old and pretty worldly, if I could say so myself.  I was devastated!  “Why didn’t you tell me!” I wailed as I ran back to my room.  If I had known that there was a chance of getting caught I wouldn’t have broken the rules in the first place.

My mom also told me she had to sign a contract promising to be weird in order to bring me home from the hospital.  It’s that kind of quirky oddball sense of humor told in a dead pan voice that had me believing for many years that the man holes really were where wives put their unruly husbands.  Let’s just say that the crawl space in the master closet isn’t just for checking the house for termites!

Flash forward 18 years and I am expecting my first children.  There is nothing like expecting a child that makes you reminisce on how you were raised and evaluate what practices of your parents to emulate or reject.  In recent years you are hearing more and more about parents opting to be nothing but honest with children.  Going so far as to not participate in the Santa Claus myth and beyond.

For me, one of the things I most look forward, as a parent, is the silly things you tell your children and making things like Easter and Christmas magical.  Since I was a child I anticipated being able to use creative license on some of the things I told my children.  To me though, these falsehoods help create whimsy and creativity in children.  As I grew up and the blinders of youth slowly fell away I saw it these lies for what they were intended: fun and sometimes exasperated extremes that helped me be creative and humorous.  I’d go so far as to say I believe it is my duty to do the same.

While pregnant, Mr. Scents and I came up with a list of things we wanted to tell our children.  We want to continue this tradition of ridiculousness.

So, here is our list of things we will tell our boys as they get older:

  • That the toilet is a mini tornado that does our disposal bidding
  • Parents can see through walls
  • Man holes are for unruly husbands
  • Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy are real
  • Cruise control is a little man on a tread mill
  • Chocolate Milk is from brown cows

I’m sure there are many more that I’ll come up with.  I feel that all my skills in snark will be necessary for this aspect of parenting.  I believe that sharing these experiences with your children keep that aspect of tradition and whimsy in their lives.  All too soon their eyes will open and they will see the world as it really is.  At the same time I plan on teaching my children reason and logic and helping them develop a healthy sense of humor.  All skills necessary in life and help them reach the conclusion that mommy is a wakadoo who means no harm.  Most of the time anyway, ;).

Share with me your views on this topic.  Comment below or follow me on Twitter @mommyscents.  I’ll also be broadcasting on periscope tonight at 8pm MT to discuss the Lies My Mother Told me, tune in and share the lies that shaped your childhood!  Follow me, @mommyscents, for more scopes on my posts, Scentsy product reviews, and random nonsense.


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