Do you ever feel like you were destined for more? I struggle a lot with that. That want to do and be more than I am. Inside there are two warring ideologies on how I should live my life. But, which is the right one?
On one hand I have the simple hometown persona. The PTA mom who works hard to keep up with and raise her kids to be respectful productive members of society. This me has simpler values; close knit community and family at the center. While many feminists see this as a step back for womanhood I have always thought there was something awesome about staying home with your family. And while I am no June Cleaver, I keep a clean home and at least half the time I even make a home cooked meal. This version of myself is the me that longs for a simpler time. When things weren’t so chaotic in the world. Where you didn’t have to be a pinterest mom to be seen as not terrible. This me is fine watching the world happen around her and content with influencing the small circle she resides in.
On the other hand, I want to be president. Maybe not literally but I want to make a difference. I want to slap the collective world across the face and wake people up to the injustices, selfishness, and ignorance of our modern society. I want to help those who can’t help themselves and not just that, help society realize that generosity is a better virtue than mass consumerism. This me would probably run for City Council and Leslie Knope the shit out it before moving on to bigger things. This me wouldn’t be content with staying home, though she sees nothing wrong with those who are. This me is a warrior on the bigger stage.
The problem lies in not knowing which is really me. Is the first a life born out of my fear of rejection of the second and therefore settling? Is the second just my delusions of grandeur?
Well, it’s now 2018 and I can let another year go by and constantly keep thinking I can do more and do nothing about it or I can commit to changing it. This year instead of a New Year’s resolution, I have decided to do a word of the year. This appealed to me because instead of making one specific goal, I can have an overlying concept for the year to help me do and be more to achieve my goals.
So, 2018 is the year of action. Don’t be surprised when you see me announce my senate campaign. Or, maybe it’ll just be that I do thing things I say I’m going to do for myself and my business. I guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out ;)!